Questions in every area of life suffocating my mind and ravaging my brain. Perhaps because I let the one Answer slip out of focus. How does one fight the waves of earthly reality and stay above the surface, taking deep breaths of the heavenly one. Fill my lungs and calm my nerves. Keep me close, keep me with You.
I bought my first camera after the summer of my very first (real) job. Looking back, I’m so glad I made up my mind to buy it and then went through with it, because if I had waited I would’ve rationalized not buying it because of how expensive it was. Dreams, desires, personal characteristics, and tastes are so beautiful. The ones that are truly part of who you were created to be come without explanation, stick, and grow with you as the years pass.
I honestly haven’t the slightest clue when the love photography entered my life. I do, however (and maybe this is the time), remember my best friend and I being inseparable. Out of everyone our age, she had her cellphone first and it was a silver, plastic, flip phone. I remember it was basically “our” cell phone. We would spend countless sleepovers calling people she knew, prank calling others, and taking hilarious pictures. When she would fall fast asleep, I would take the cell phone and walk around the house, capturing picture perfect scenes of vases, dogs, silhouetted trees- didn’t matter what it was. The desire to capture the beauty I saw in ordinary things is what drove me to take countless pictures of those vases from every angle possible- until I got it just right. Time spent, I grew, and my love grew as I discovered flickr and the amazing works of art it beheld. Ordinary things turned beautiful, beautiful things turned indescribable, and one picture with some chance good lighting bore into the soul of a hurting orphan. YES
My love was defined- To capture the beauty of this earth, in all things, all things He has created. So, next came the frustration of finding a camera capable of capturing what my eye was seeing and finally getting my Nikon.
What to take pictures of was never a lingering problem because photography turned into my form of journalism. Not only capturing beauty, but emotions and feelings in each picture.
I spent two years as athletic photographer for my college, but I never got into it. There would be some perfect spring days on the soccer field that allowed me to capture flying blades of grass, some spit, wincing pain in the eye of the defender, and the building excitement of a surrounding team- but those days were so rare I felt like I was beating a horse dead.
No, photography for me is primarily to tell a story through a single capture.
I am so thankful for it.
My window pane is so thin it sounds like I’m sleeping outside tonight.
Wouldn’t want it any other way.
"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place."
Kurt Vonnegut (via onlinecounsellingcollege)
I am in awe
Driving on the highway at dusk on Friday night, I audibly cried out to the Lord in frustration and anger for the very first time in my life (at least, as far as I can remember). It was such an intimately honest moment. I confessed my desires, frustration, and lack, as well as what I know He requires of me and what I know I should want instead.
And the most astounding thing occurred within the following 24 hours.
As I poured out waves of sinfulness and righteousness- everything in my soul, both sides that constantly war against each other- my spirit was quieted by His hand of love.
My cries were two main prayers, and that same night a few hours later I received an answer to one of those prayers- or at the very least, the beginning of an answer.
My wrapped up mind did not recognize this answer until Saturday afternoon rolled around, when I received an answer to my second prayer. A loud, full, and perfect answer.
Overwhelmed and speechless, Friday at dusk rushed back into my mind; the honest moments I spent in His presence, the silent peace I received, the warring heart I broke open.
I have been blessed with two quickly answered prayers. No, the word blessed alone doesn’t even begin to cover it. I’ve been pulled to my knees, humbled, and overwhelmed with the gracious gift of, not one answer, but two.
Decorating the entire floor of a building is a bit difficult when you’re 8 hours away, but, sure enough, progress is being made :)